I saw a great meme the other day
‘I sew, therefore I swear’.
There is a level of truth in that you might not credit.
There is nothing like equipment to crimp your style, spoil your flow or even put a dent in your diadem. It is usually when a deadline is beginning to look like a rope hanging from a gallows, that the ‘piss-you-off’ pixies pay a visit. If you’re a do-er or maker you know what I’m talking about. You have a deadline, things are going well and then the bobbin runs out, the overlocker snags or the bulb blows in the machine. One can make one, two, three amendments to it all, but when a fourth hiccup looms on the horizon you know it’s time to give in and go away.
You get in tune with your machines and sometimes when you turn up at the machine, switch it on you can just tell it’s going to be a bugger. Those are the days you stay well away from scissors. Those are filing and tidying days.
What’s sneaky is that sometimes those days that often start off quite well and you are galloping along full steam ahead only to discover at a rather late moment that you’ve put the sleeves in beautifully, but the wrong way round!
Blood and tears
Sometimes it’s a minor thing, thread keeps breaking, or the fabric you are using needs a different tension. And things that might seem small can cause a whole lot of hurt. I don’t know how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, but I’m guessing only one can dance on the point. Pin points are very pointy and tiny, but when they are jabbed into your fingers it’s like a crowbar from hell has been jimmied into your soul! And they bleed. On ‘those days’ they bleed a lot and wait for the right piece of fabric to drip on…. It will be white or ivory, expensive and have a permanent taste for haemoglobin.
Alarums and Awoogas
Of course, a pin prick doesn’t hurt as much as a seam-ripper jammed in your thumb knuckle – that REALLY hurts, take it from me, you finger goes white and numb for wee while. But better you slide the unpicker into your hand than letting it slip in your fabric. All too often you can ignore the fact that the stitch ripper (they have many names, these are only the ones I can print) is getting a bit blunt, so you have to put more force behind them, and just as you exert maximum oomph they decide to ‘give’, your arm shoots forward and you slice a long, deep tear at a crucial point. It really is best to stop when you hear those first warning bells of alarms and awoogas….
So, it’s true, many a seamstress can be heard to utter words that would make a sailor blush and become mightily creative in renaming their machinery and tools. On those days, gentle readers, I can only offer you the advice of Tinky Winky, Dipsy, LaLa and Po: “run away, run away!” Of course, if you are a passer-by or witness my advice to you is “Duck and cover!”